Bier en modder

Thinking of Val Kilmer. Go back before Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Back before The Island of Dr. Moreau. Keep going past his mid-90’s peak of Heat, Batman Forever, True Romance and The Doors. And step over Top Gun and Real Genius. It brings you to Top Secret!

There was a character in it, Latrine, who was part of the French Resistance. Latrine always burst into the scene severely wounded from one thing or another, covered in bloody bandages. Someone yelled out “Latrine!”.

This is what my week felt like.

Cut the back yard Sunday. We’ve got an old apple tree in the back yard which used to be very nicely pruned before we bought the place. We don’t know enough about pruning so we’ve let it go a bit too long. Being tall I need to crouch down real low to get around it. It’s a rare landscaping day in the backyard when I don’t drop an f-bomb about that tree.

So this week I’m picking up the dropped fruit and stood up too fast. I took a sharp 2″ thick branch point that was pruned years ago right in the back, just below the scapula. Dropped me like a rock. I don’t recall seeing that branch before but there it was. The aftermath is that there’s pretty sharp pain when I pull back…like on handlebars for example.

Yesterday I’m at home in the kitchen after work putting stuff away and getting ready to prep dinner (oven-fried chicken). Got the recipe book out of the cabinet and I’m leaning over my backpack. Again, I stood up fast…right into the cabinet door. Within a few seconds I feel blood dripping through my hair and down my head. WTF. 5 minutes later I get the bleeding to stop but there’s a nasty 1 inch gash on the top of my head covering a big lump.

Still hurts like hell.

I swear I’m more of a menace to myself than anything else in this world.

What else…

In between maiming myself, I see that the ‘cross forum is slowly starting to warm up. There’s discussion of modifying the schedule. I haven’t chimed in yet but I’d rather see the races a little earlier in the day. With a 2:30 or 3 pm race, I figure to get done by 4 and home by 5-ish. Doesn’t give much time to help with dinner and the kids. Plus the A race is a couple hours removed from the kiddie cross, which both my kids really like. I’m not sure how the logistics of having them participate will work out yet.

Been getting adding VO2 interval work in to my workouts. Did 5×5′ this morning through the cemetery. It’s just about 6 minutes top to bottom so the length works out just fine. First few were ok. Last 2 started to get very, very uncomfortable.

As I was coasting down to start one of the last couple reps, a glorious revelation came over me. Cross is almost here. It’s tough to fathom with temperatures flirting with triple digits this week, but it’s coming. And putting it very bluntly, you can’t go fast unless you put this sort of time in.

I’ve transgressed through the 5 stages of interval training over the past month or so:

1. Denial – “I feel fine. All I need to do is straight lactate threshold work. I don’t need to go anaerobic during a race”
2. Anger – “This is bullshit. I f-ing hate intervals. They suck. They’re uncomfortable. F.U. I don’t need ‘cross.”
3. Bargaining – “How about I start easy. Maybe one interval this week. Add one more next week. I’ll be at peak form in no time at all…like January. Do you think anyone will notice if I sandbag in the B’s?”
4. Depression – “Is it rest week yet? I need a break. I’m so tired.”
5. Acceptance – “It’s time to get ready. Pain and suffering are what this race is all about. I am going to be ready for whatever this season throws at me”

Yep. It’s close. You can feel it.